Unlike Tuesday Morning (where you can find really great stuff cheap), Wednesday morning doesn't have much going for it. At least not in the way of a baby being born overnight. Yep, that's right, yet ANOTHER post about nothing, literally.
Martie, one of my co-workers, has on numerous times reminded me that babies are notoriously finicky about their birth. Sometimes, they wait weeks (as in many - more than a few) after dropping to be born. While I completely understand the intent of reassurance, I feel its mostly lost on Debra and I. Maybe we're just too anxious to let go and let God, but aren't these the times that are really made to do exactly that?
Personally, my attention span is suffering (as if it wasn't suffering already before we even started considering adopting a baby). I find it difficult to focus on just about anything for more than, oh, say a few minutes or so. Not so good when I'm going through three weeks of receipts to try to complete my expense reports. (A difficult chore even when I'm really on my game!)
And now for something completely the same...waiting.
Aren't you tired of reading these still waiting posts...I know I'm tired of writing them! I wish we had more information to share with y'all, but we're really working with forces beyond our control. Just waiting, anticipating...can you name the product jingle that references?
C'mon, work with me here, people. I need something to write about....
C'mon, work with me here, people. I need something to write about....
Yep, we've finally done it, we've posted pictures of our nursery. I guess, since we're still waiting for that baby to arrive, we might as do something. There pics online at http://www.flickr.com/photos/monkshack/sets/72157602785310413/ - lets us know what you think! (And what we're missing!)
See how nice I am, I figured I'd save you the effort of reading the entire post if you were just here to check on the status of the new baby. In case you didn't figure it out, as of this post - the birth mother still hasn't had the baby. But that didn't stop us from putting Sunday to good use...we bought more baby stuff, including all of the requirements for a handy-dandy, full-stocked baby first aid kit. How'd we know what to buy? Why Baby411 (http://www.baby411.com) told us, of course!
We now have even more band aids than we had before, plus we've added some petroleum jelly, some gauze, some antibotic ointment and a whole host of other stuff. Plus, we picked up some new sleepers for the baby, some more binkies (and even a couple of binky carrying cases...fancy, eh?) and some other stuff that surely didn't seem like it was worth $100, but that's what they charged us.
After looking at baby swings, we decided that we'd start with a used baby swing and see if the baby liked it before buying a new one. We were originally looking for a side swinging baby swing, but decided to go with a traditional front-to-back baby swing as we couldn't figure out why the side-t0-side were better (which they obviously must be, because the cost almost twice as much). Even though the selection at Once Upon A Child in Centerville was limited (must be baby season), we found a nice Graco that will work well for our test, and it was only $40.
We'll keep you posted...if we haven't crawled out of skin waiting for this baby....
We now have even more band aids than we had before, plus we've added some petroleum jelly, some gauze, some antibotic ointment and a whole host of other stuff. Plus, we picked up some new sleepers for the baby, some more binkies (and even a couple of binky carrying cases...fancy, eh?) and some other stuff that surely didn't seem like it was worth $100, but that's what they charged us.
After looking at baby swings, we decided that we'd start with a used baby swing and see if the baby liked it before buying a new one. We were originally looking for a side swinging baby swing, but decided to go with a traditional front-to-back baby swing as we couldn't figure out why the side-t0-side were better (which they obviously must be, because the cost almost twice as much). Even though the selection at Once Upon A Child in Centerville was limited (must be baby season), we found a nice Graco that will work well for our test, and it was only $40.
We'll keep you posted...if we haven't crawled out of skin waiting for this baby....
Does anyone know why some baby swings swing side to side and others back and forth? The one we thought we wanted goes side to side, hmmmm? They cost more, so maybe we should just get a back and forth. Any help or suggestions would be great. One thing is for sure, we need one. Everyone with kids has told us that much. We have a gift card to babiesrus that John Hart, Lisa Sandner and Patsy Burnol-Olson gave us so we are halfway there! : )
Our good friends tell us that more babies are born at the full moon than other times in the month. A little research revealed that is not the case, however, we are hoping it has some merit as the full moon appeared last night (Friday Morning) around 4:00 a.m.
No call from Mandy yet, but we have our hopes up.
That's about what it feels like...a clock ticking so slowly you can hear every single gear turn. Nevermind that we only have digital clocks in our house, save for a few analog wristwatches that inevitably have batteries that have long since given their last gasp of stored energy. It we had an analogy clock, it would be ticking like that.
The wait is simply interminable. Now there's a word I don't get to use very often. But it so fits. I can only assume the birth mother is feeling roughly the same way.
Here's some interesting news, apparently there's around a three week delay on birth certificates. Why is this interesting, you ask? Well, the birth certificate is a crucial document for the placement hearing (the hearing 72 hours after birth where a judge legally allows us to take the baby into our home...the hearing that all of this has been leading up to). Without the birth certificate, the hearing shouldn't occur. I didn't say can't, just shouldn't. Why? I'm not sure, but then again, I'm not sure of much when it comes to this convoluted process for adoption. So our lawyer called the judge and asked if there were any alternatives to the birth certificate we could use, given the fact that we're trying to minimize the time between when the baby is born and when we can actually bring him/her home.
Thankfully, the judge relented and requested that we bring every document the hospital generates to certify that the baby is, in fact, born. Footprints, discharge papers...everything. My cynical side says why not just bring the baby? Surely that would prove that baby was born? Maybe pictures of the birth mother before and after? Should we have sworn testimony from the attending doctors and nurses that the baby was really born?
So little of this process makes sense, yet still I try to fathom the logic that lies behind these rules. I should just abandon my obviously futile attempts to wring sense from this and just accept that these are the hurdles one must jump through to adopt a baby in this state. While I feel completely (ok, not really, but pretty close) confident in our abilities to raise a child, given our educational background, our years of educational theory and practice and our rock-solid support network of friends and family, the fact that I have no confidence in the adoption process seems ridiculous. How individuals who proport to be most concerned with the welfare of the child can create systems and processes that are so antithetical to that goal leaves me (almost) speechless. I can't help but think there has to be a better way.
Maybe that's just the process streamliner in me. I always want to make things logical, orderly and comprehensible. In my work with colleges and universities, it always amazes me as to how often processes are allowed to exist simply because nobody thinks to ask are they still working, needed or even helpful. I think we all tend to get sucked up into the belief that we shouldn't fix something unless its broken, but we so often tend to forget that we should be also be checking to see if something is broken rather than just waiting for smoke to signal there's a fire. Preventative maintenance. That's what this sounds like to me, but often its difficult to allocate scarce resources simply to maintain the machine because the sense of urgency isn't there. Things are still running, so resources are needed elsewhere. The priority isn't improvement or maintenance, its getting other stuff done, even if that means letting the cogs slip a bit in the process.
Granted, working in a financial aid office at a college or university, there's less of an impact when the cogs slip. Money could be delayed a day or two. Letters could be post-poned a week. But in the adoption process, when the cogs slip, a day or two in the life of a child (or baby in our case) could be so much more detrimental. All I can say, is please dear God, don't the cogs slip this time. Please, dear God, make this machine work its magic one more time....then we can start pushing for preventative maintenance to turn this dinasour of a process into something that truly works.
The wait is simply interminable. Now there's a word I don't get to use very often. But it so fits. I can only assume the birth mother is feeling roughly the same way.
Here's some interesting news, apparently there's around a three week delay on birth certificates. Why is this interesting, you ask? Well, the birth certificate is a crucial document for the placement hearing (the hearing 72 hours after birth where a judge legally allows us to take the baby into our home...the hearing that all of this has been leading up to). Without the birth certificate, the hearing shouldn't occur. I didn't say can't, just shouldn't. Why? I'm not sure, but then again, I'm not sure of much when it comes to this convoluted process for adoption. So our lawyer called the judge and asked if there were any alternatives to the birth certificate we could use, given the fact that we're trying to minimize the time between when the baby is born and when we can actually bring him/her home.
Thankfully, the judge relented and requested that we bring every document the hospital generates to certify that the baby is, in fact, born. Footprints, discharge papers...everything. My cynical side says why not just bring the baby? Surely that would prove that baby was born? Maybe pictures of the birth mother before and after? Should we have sworn testimony from the attending doctors and nurses that the baby was really born?
So little of this process makes sense, yet still I try to fathom the logic that lies behind these rules. I should just abandon my obviously futile attempts to wring sense from this and just accept that these are the hurdles one must jump through to adopt a baby in this state. While I feel completely (ok, not really, but pretty close) confident in our abilities to raise a child, given our educational background, our years of educational theory and practice and our rock-solid support network of friends and family, the fact that I have no confidence in the adoption process seems ridiculous. How individuals who proport to be most concerned with the welfare of the child can create systems and processes that are so antithetical to that goal leaves me (almost) speechless. I can't help but think there has to be a better way.
Maybe that's just the process streamliner in me. I always want to make things logical, orderly and comprehensible. In my work with colleges and universities, it always amazes me as to how often processes are allowed to exist simply because nobody thinks to ask are they still working, needed or even helpful. I think we all tend to get sucked up into the belief that we shouldn't fix something unless its broken, but we so often tend to forget that we should be also be checking to see if something is broken rather than just waiting for smoke to signal there's a fire. Preventative maintenance. That's what this sounds like to me, but often its difficult to allocate scarce resources simply to maintain the machine because the sense of urgency isn't there. Things are still running, so resources are needed elsewhere. The priority isn't improvement or maintenance, its getting other stuff done, even if that means letting the cogs slip a bit in the process.
Granted, working in a financial aid office at a college or university, there's less of an impact when the cogs slip. Money could be delayed a day or two. Letters could be post-poned a week. But in the adoption process, when the cogs slip, a day or two in the life of a child (or baby in our case) could be so much more detrimental. All I can say, is please dear God, don't the cogs slip this time. Please, dear God, make this machine work its magic one more time....then we can start pushing for preventative maintenance to turn this dinasour of a process into something that truly works.
Sue, our case worker with Children's Services, e-mailed me today to tell me that our home study is now complete. Papers filed, dotted lines signed, fat lady singing... Done. YAY!!!
Its the perpetual holding pattern. Rush. Wait. Rush. Wait. I can't tell you how many times I've landed late, ran to my next gate, only to find that my connection was delayed. Rush. Wait. Rush. Wait.
This baby seems to be following that same modus operandi. (I wonder if that means they're going to like travelling?)
Rachel's dad helped ups tremendously by taking Mandy to her attorney to sign what we believe (hope?) are the last set of papers for the adoption. Since the whole "baby dropped" announcement, we've pretty much been on edge and working at a feverish pace to finalize everything. Debra assures me that we now ready....(are you surprised she's the organized one? c'mon, you really don't know us very well, do you?)
Last night, Debra calmly informed me that Mandy think's she'll have the baby this weekend! What?!?! That set off a whole 'nother flurry of panic attacks in my mind. I went to Border's and picked Baby411 (http://www.baby411.com). I'd looked at a lot of books, but most of them are written like you're reading a novel. I wanted something that had questions and answers, preferrably where I wouldn't have ready a voluminous amount of extraneous information between the two. Baby411 seemed to fit the bill, and its already helped ease my fears, so I guess that makes it worth $12.95, right?
Just in case you missed it, Mandy thinks she'll have the baby this weekend! Ok. I'm feaked out again. Rush. Wait. Rush. Wait.
I may just be certifiably insane by the time this is over (just begins?).....
This baby seems to be following that same modus operandi. (I wonder if that means they're going to like travelling?)
Rachel's dad helped ups tremendously by taking Mandy to her attorney to sign what we believe (hope?) are the last set of papers for the adoption. Since the whole "baby dropped" announcement, we've pretty much been on edge and working at a feverish pace to finalize everything. Debra assures me that we now ready....(are you surprised she's the organized one? c'mon, you really don't know us very well, do you?)
Last night, Debra calmly informed me that Mandy think's she'll have the baby this weekend! What?!?! That set off a whole 'nother flurry of panic attacks in my mind. I went to Border's and picked Baby411 (http://www.baby411.com). I'd looked at a lot of books, but most of them are written like you're reading a novel. I wanted something that had questions and answers, preferrably where I wouldn't have ready a voluminous amount of extraneous information between the two. Baby411 seemed to fit the bill, and its already helped ease my fears, so I guess that makes it worth $12.95, right?
Just in case you missed it, Mandy thinks she'll have the baby this weekend! Ok. I'm feaked out again. Rush. Wait. Rush. Wait.
I may just be certifiably insane by the time this is over (just begins?).....
Have you ever felt all excited for something and then you had to keep waiting and waiting and waiting....Its probably not hard to see where I'm going with this, right? If you're wondering if the birth mother has had her baby, the answer is no. We're still waiting...although this past week was a flurry of activity that we really didn't do a good job of detailing in our blog posts...but then again, maybe we were !gasp! too busy to blog about it.
I'm guessing this whole experience is very similar to what one would experience if they were going through their own natural birth. The only difference is that we're relegated to the bullpen until that fateful moment when we get the call. Look at me, using a sports analogy...aren't you impressed? (I'm just trying to prepare myself in case the baby is of the male persuasion...no time to learn all about sports like the present!)
As for if the baby is a girl...well that's a whole 'nother set of horrors I don't think I'm remotely prepared for. That may actually be a whole new blog...
I'm guessing this whole experience is very similar to what one would experience if they were going through their own natural birth. The only difference is that we're relegated to the bullpen until that fateful moment when we get the call. Look at me, using a sports analogy...aren't you impressed? (I'm just trying to prepare myself in case the baby is of the male persuasion...no time to learn all about sports like the present!)
As for if the baby is a girl...well that's a whole 'nother set of horrors I don't think I'm remotely prepared for. That may actually be a whole new blog...
Well, we've been safety-ized. (Kind of like sanitized, but for the sake of safety - its a good thing.)
We met yesterday afternoon with our social worker to go through some of the final details in preparation for the adoption, the safety audit being one of the most pressing. She also reviewed some of our answers to the self-study assessment (see our previous post for the listing of the questions we needed to answer).
She claimed we answered the questions the best of anyone she'd ever worked with, but we think she was just being nice. (Either that or our years of higher education have finally paid off by providing us with the ability to answer questions in voluminous detail...its a toss-up, really.)
On the baby front, we're still waiting....stay tuned. You'll read it here first!
We met yesterday afternoon with our social worker to go through some of the final details in preparation for the adoption, the safety audit being one of the most pressing. She also reviewed some of our answers to the self-study assessment (see our previous post for the listing of the questions we needed to answer).
She claimed we answered the questions the best of anyone she'd ever worked with, but we think she was just being nice. (Either that or our years of higher education have finally paid off by providing us with the ability to answer questions in voluminous detail...its a toss-up, really.)
On the baby front, we're still waiting....stay tuned. You'll read it here first!
We keep edging closer and closer to this new addition to our family. It's astounding to believe that the last two months have passed so quickly. What's even more amazing is that in the middle of all of this anxiety, excitement, fear and joy, we almost overlooked another milestone in our lives.
Our tenth anniversary. Yep, that's right folks...it's been ten years today since Debra and I were hitched. Ten years of sharing hopes, dreams and the occasional game of Risk. Ten years, two states, eight jobs (unless you include Debra's one day working in the floral department at Kroger, which would make it nine) and about 1040 rolls of toilet paper. It's hard to believe that its all been in only ten years.
The beauty of our relationship is that we're still just as love struck as we were when I kinda-sorta proposed to Debra in a car ride back from the Columbus airport in 1996. Wow. Without sounding too mushy and sentimental, I never imagined I'd find someone who still makes me smile merely by thinking about them. Or makes me laugh out loud without even being in the room. Or makes me feel happy without doing anything at all. I just love her, that wife/partner/spouse of mine...and I think she feels the same way about me, but just to be sure, why don't you ask her? :)
OK, OK, back to the baby...we're still in a state of suspended panic. That's really the best way to explain it. Now we're trying to tie up loose ends with our attorney, our social worker, the hospital, our employers...and everyone else who we've involved in this process. It has been an incredible journey, and I have no doubt that the joys of the next ten years will so totally eclipse all of this stress (and probably the last ten years as well!) that we'll soon be talking about how crazy it is that we've been married for 20 years!
As of this post, we're just waiting on Mandy and the MonkBaby (name is TBA, of course - so keep voting on your favorite names...you don't have much longer to make your vote count!). Keep us all in your prayers! I'd like to say that we're thinking of you all too, but quite honestly - we're not. Please don't be offended, we're just trying to take each day a minute at time and its taking all of our willpower and strength to appear "normal" as we go through our daily routines.
Yes, its late and I'm tired. Keep checking back for updates...you'll probably hear any news here first!
Our tenth anniversary. Yep, that's right folks...it's been ten years today since Debra and I were hitched. Ten years of sharing hopes, dreams and the occasional game of Risk. Ten years, two states, eight jobs (unless you include Debra's one day working in the floral department at Kroger, which would make it nine) and about 1040 rolls of toilet paper. It's hard to believe that its all been in only ten years.
The beauty of our relationship is that we're still just as love struck as we were when I kinda-sorta proposed to Debra in a car ride back from the Columbus airport in 1996. Wow. Without sounding too mushy and sentimental, I never imagined I'd find someone who still makes me smile merely by thinking about them. Or makes me laugh out loud without even being in the room. Or makes me feel happy without doing anything at all. I just love her, that wife/partner/spouse of mine...and I think she feels the same way about me, but just to be sure, why don't you ask her? :)
OK, OK, back to the baby...we're still in a state of suspended panic. That's really the best way to explain it. Now we're trying to tie up loose ends with our attorney, our social worker, the hospital, our employers...and everyone else who we've involved in this process. It has been an incredible journey, and I have no doubt that the joys of the next ten years will so totally eclipse all of this stress (and probably the last ten years as well!) that we'll soon be talking about how crazy it is that we've been married for 20 years!
As of this post, we're just waiting on Mandy and the MonkBaby (name is TBA, of course - so keep voting on your favorite names...you don't have much longer to make your vote count!). Keep us all in your prayers! I'd like to say that we're thinking of you all too, but quite honestly - we're not. Please don't be offended, we're just trying to take each day a minute at time and its taking all of our willpower and strength to appear "normal" as we go through our daily routines.
Yes, its late and I'm tired. Keep checking back for updates...you'll probably hear any news here first!
Okay, latest word on the adoption front...we've just learned that the baby has dropped. I don't know what this means, but I'm told that it means that baby's birth is happening very soon. So apparently, I was premature in today's earlier post complaining about having to wait...it doesn't look like we're going to be waiting very long at all.
Whew. I'm only more nervous than I ever thought I could be.
Word on the street says that when a baby drops it could be born anytime within the next hour to the next two weeks. Does anyone want to step up and confirm that?
Whew. I'm only more nervous than I ever thought I could be.
Word on the street says that when a baby drops it could be born anytime within the next hour to the next two weeks. Does anyone want to step up and confirm that?
We're really not patient people. We try, its just that we've become tainted by our society's trend toward instant gratification. We like stuff now (the biggest drawback of shopping online). We like to know now (the biggest perk of being online). We like to be there now. Generally, we're just now kind of people.
Waiting for the baby is not a "now" type of activity. We're really struggling here. We want to help, we want to do more. We want to be involved. And on top of all of that we have the great unknown hanging over our heads...will we actually be able to adopt this baby? There, I said it out loud. Somehow, it doesn't really make me feel any better (yes, realistically or not, I had kinda hoped it would...).
The good news is that I've finished my questions for Montgomery County Job and Family Services. It was kind of a self-assessment questionnaire that took me way too long to do. I know, I know...I always have issues with paperwork, anyone who knows me knows that...but this was just, well, weird.
I suppose you're wondering what types of questions I had to answer? Are you really or are you just trying to be nice? Okay, if you insist, I'll share the questions with you...lets see how you'd do:
Here are the questions, honestly, I didn't add any to the list...this is what we each had to answer...I didn't even edit them - this is exactly how they were given to us, except for some minor formatting to make it fit on this web page better.
Waiting for the baby is not a "now" type of activity. We're really struggling here. We want to help, we want to do more. We want to be involved. And on top of all of that we have the great unknown hanging over our heads...will we actually be able to adopt this baby? There, I said it out loud. Somehow, it doesn't really make me feel any better (yes, realistically or not, I had kinda hoped it would...).
The good news is that I've finished my questions for Montgomery County Job and Family Services. It was kind of a self-assessment questionnaire that took me way too long to do. I know, I know...I always have issues with paperwork, anyone who knows me knows that...but this was just, well, weird.
I suppose you're wondering what types of questions I had to answer? Are you really or are you just trying to be nice? Okay, if you insist, I'll share the questions with you...lets see how you'd do:
Here are the questions, honestly, I didn't add any to the list...this is what we each had to answer...I didn't even edit them - this is exactly how they were given to us, except for some minor formatting to make it fit on this web page better.
Oh, you wanted my answers too? C'mon...you've already seen how long this post is. I think by the time I answered the questions, I was over ten, count-em ten, printed pages. And I was trying to be concise. Maybe if you're willing to share your answer to a particular question, I'll share mine..just add a comment to the post with the question and your answer and then I'll do the same. Who knows, maybe Debra will even get in on the act!Applicant Number:
Appearance and Personality:
Education:
Employment:
Family History:
What is their understanding of Foster/Adoption – Why do you want to do this?
What are their expectations? What will it be like?
What was the discipline used in your home growing up? What kind of discipline do you use in your home now? What kind of discipline do you plan to use for foster/adoptive children?
How did you achieve emancipation?
Sexual Development:
What would you consider to be a significant event in your life thus far?
How do you express feelings, Anger?
Discuss previous marriages/relationships. Is there contact? Were there children
involved?
Discuss fertility issues:
History of health problems. Drugs or alcohol? Mental Health history?
Criminal Behavior:
Leisure Time? Hobbies, Interests, talents?
Goals for the future?
Evidence of personal and emotional maturity. Describe your own personal strengths?
Weaknesses? How are anger and frustration handled in this family?
History of marriage? What are the strengths as a couple? Are there areas that you disagree? How do you resolve disputes? Problems in your relationship? How do your extended family members feel about your becoming adoptive parents? How do you demonstrate affection in your family? How do you make time for each other?Coping Skills and Stress Management
What is the worst thing that you had to deal with?
How did it affect you? What resources did you use to get you through bad times? Tell me about your hardest loss? How did you deal with it? Who is your biggest source of support when you’re upset or need help?Family as a System
Who do you include in your family?
Who does what in your family? Have jobs ever changed?
Have you ever used community resources to help you?
What kinds of experienced have you had with people from other cultures or races?Parenting Skills
Previous Experience? What do you think makes up a good parent? Have you ever taken care of a child with emotional problems?Empathy and Perspective Taking Ability
Can you tell when the people in your home are really upset?
Can you visualize yourself in a birthparents situation?Entitlement Issues
How do you feel about parenting another person’s child? What do you think of people that abuse their children? Have you ever known anyone that abuses his or her
child? Have you done volunteer work? What kinds of things do you enjoy doing with a child?Honoring Commitments
Are you capable of meeting long-term needs of children? Do you realize that adoption means parenting until adulthood?Relationship between Applicant 1 and Applicant 2
How long have you known each other? Changed over time? Common interests or goals? Differences? Stability? Separations?
Counseling? How are parenting decisions made? Flexible?Family Finances
Income sufficient? Impact the family financially? How
are financial decision made? Informed of subsidies?Family Health
Insurance? Paid Leave?Religious Affiliation
Impact of religious affiliation on day-to-day life. How do you intend to meet the
child’s religious needs?Support System
Discuss family’s support system. Who do you go to for advice?Children in the Home
Describe physical appearance. School attends, special learning challenges, behaviors, physical health, developmental delays.
How do they feel about sharing their home with another child?
Who will the birth order be affected?
Absent or part-time children?Attitudes and Beliefs Regarding Foster Care/Adoption Issues
Willingness to have contact with birth families? Support ongoing contact with siblings? Previous caregivers?
Understanding of separation and loss issues. How do they plan on coping? Connected to their biological roots?
Lifebooks?
Ability to help make the transition back to the home?
Adoption, How do you plan on talking with your child about adoption?
How would they feel if a child wanted to search for their biological roots?
How do you see a child fitting into your home? Foresee any challenges?
How would you like your family to look 5 years from now?
What do you expect from the agency?Transracial/Transcultural Issues
What is your motivation to consider a transracial placement
Describe applicants experience with persons of another race/culture?
What in their lifestyle would support a child’s ability to stay connected to their biological roots? Role Models?
What do extended members think of this?
What level of knowledge does the applicant have about dietary, skin care, etc.?
Has applicant ever applied to foster/adopt before? Ever had any services from social services agency?
Kim, Jessi, Bridget and Christina threw us a baby shower and we are just overwhelmed with the generosity. Thank you all!
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